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Remember when the current Missouri governor, Mike Parson, was the only statewide elected official to accept gifts from a lobbyist in his first six months in office? We finally know what all that money was going towards! Parson recently released the first ever Operation Uterus board game. With this game, Parson and his lackeys have more control over the uterus than ever before.
First an investor in personal wealth and second a representative of the people, Parson has had a long history with getting Operation Uterus off the ground. In 2019, Parson’s Missouri Stands for the Unborn Act got rejected by a judge a moment before it was enacted into law. Under this proposed act–Parson’s personal baby–anyone who performs an abortion after eight weeks would have been charged with a Class B felony punishable by 5 to 15 years in prison. Shutting down this law was a tough blow to Parson’s dream of a Missourian farm of sister wives.
But not to fear, folks–the free market can’t be pinned down. In 2022, Parson was finally able to give legal effect to the Right to Life of the Unborn Child Act. This act prohibits doctors from performing abortions in Missouri unless there is a medical emergency. This new development is directly related to the Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v. Wade. At last, Parson has pussy power! Well…not exactly–more uterus control. With money dirtier than what he would imagine a WashU Sorority house to look like (cough, the Missouri brothel law), Parson was finally able to release Operation Uterus to the market today.
However, some players have already reported issues with Operation Uterus. In fact, those dissatisfied players are none other than Parson and his boys club. The game is essentially Operation, except it only involves identifying parts of the female anatomy. Parson and the Missouri GOP have been stuck on locating the clit since the stock market’s opening at 8:30am this morning. Parson released a statement saying that Operation Uterus is only a game, but the doctor he fired from Planned Parenthood who had to take a mailroom job in game design drew the sketch for Operation Uterus; this doctor has told Parson that the clit is very much real.
It seems the Governor is at a lifelong impasse: acknowledge female medicine—or remain a loser forever?
