Jonah Hill Wasn’t the Reason I Started Liking Jewish People, the Parkside Bagel Was. This Is My Story.

Jonah Hill wasn’t the reason I started liking jewish people, the parkside bagel was. This is my story. 

My biggest issue with Kanye West’s only instagram post is that he claims Jonah Hill’s performance in 21 Jump Street is the reason he decided not to hate Jewish people anymore. I’ve seen that movie, and I’m sorry, but I just don’t think Jonah Hill would do it for me. Maybe Seth Rogan or Julia Louis-Dreyfus could make me walk past a synagogue without spitting on it. And I could see Adam Sandler make me feel okay about hiring someone with a last name ending in Berg. But Jonah Hill? 

Like Kanye West, I only recently started liking Jewish people myself. And when I try to pinpoint exactly when it happened, it was mid-bite of a slightly burnt parkside bagel with Philadelphia schmear. I don’t know man. I just thought to myself: Jews created bagels and the parkside bagel is a pretty bad bagel but it’s still pretty great, so maybe I should stop hating Jewish people.   Suddenly, I felt the need to hug every single person who had ever felt the need to explain Westchester geography to me. I now refer to Graham Chappel as Graham Shul. And in protest of Easter, I actually hand delivered several bunnies to Socke. 

In conclusion, if you’re going to stop hating an entire population, don’t stop because of Jonah Hill. Stop because of the Parkside Bagel.