WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Dear StudLife,
You win.
We’re not gonna lie, it’s been a good run. If you’d told us fifteen years ago that Student Life, the real student newspaper, would deliberately confuse inclusive content with lack of editorial discretion, we would have laughed. That’s our job! Really, we’ve published on just about everything: giving fetuses guns, Kevin Spacey for WILD; you remember that whole DK erotica bit? All for nothing, it seems, because we’re calling it: you win, Studlife.
You finally managed to do the dirty to journalism, and waaaaaay before us. There’s something perverse about you guys managing to stumble into a goal we’ve been aspiring towards for over a decade, but here we are.
We’re out of ideas, StudLife. While you’re still churning out content at a dizzying pace, we blew through every joke we had in two days. Heck, we barely had enough interns alive to get this issue out on time! We’re burnt out and it shows.
You really managed to outdo our quota on asinine bullshit, and it was effortless. So, we’re packing up our typewriters, Nicolas Cage masks, and Free Wild tickets and heading home. We mean, three self-contradictory staff pieces, all in the same day? That turnaround is unmatchable. We tried; one of our editors literally fell into a coma from rhetorical somersaults.
Anyways, we’re sorry it’s over; it’s time to crown a new heir to the throne of shitposting. Here’s to you, StudentLife: we hope you enjoy being the enemy of the people as much as we did.
Sincerishly,
The WUnderground Staff
