WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Since their installation in the Bear’s Den, much invective has been hurled at the humble salad robots, none of it merited. The Salad Robot is objectively the best option for salad-serving. First, it provides options that human workers cannot. Try finding a minimum-wage worker willing to sing me a little ...
April, 2021
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28 April
Obvious Serf Announces that They Would Have Been a Lord in the Middle Ages
In an astonishing lack of self-awareness, a man most onlookers would have pegged for a serf the instant they laid eyes on his hunched demeanor and glassy, vacant eyes, claimed that he would have been a lord in the Middle Ages. Jonathan Morrington, a 38-year-old field laborer and Renaissance Faire ...
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28 April
Caught Wet Handed! Student Found Drinking COVID Tests
Students present at the dramatic scene on Monday morning had few words to describe the events that transpired. “Incredible,” said one. “A shocking display of raw determination,” said another. Word spread quickly after sophomore Ricky Lindenmeyer was caught drinking vials from the testing tent spit cooler during Monday’s 9:30 AM ...
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28 April
Excessive Time with ResLife Carpeting has Unforeseen Psychological Consequences
With students spending more time in their rooms than ever because of COVID restrictions, rumors of a possible new epidemic, one of bizarre behavior, have been raising alarm across campus. One sophomore living in Gregg House, known for its particularly offensive carpet pattern, relayed his observations of a case of ...
