Breaking News

December, 2019

  • 20 December

    Confederate Flag Really Tied Tinder Profile Together

    Garth Fletcher was taking dating apps by storm; he was the most-swiped man his town had ever seen. But after changing his profile, nothing was the same. WUnderground spoke with local women about the man who had once driven them crazy. Bailey Banks, on Garth’s flagless profile: I’ve seen him ...

  • 20 December

    Habif Health Center to Replace Therapy with Prescribed Mood Rings

    Citing a shortage of trained psychologists and psychiatrists, Student Health Services has announced they will now prescribe Mood Rings for students in place of therapy. This revolutionary new technology should reduce the need for psychological care, according to SHS.   “I think this new method will simplify a lot of the ...

  • 20 December

    John Delaney Starting to Think He Might Not Win This Thing

    It is now being reported that presidential hopeful John Delaney has started to think that he just might not win this thing. Sources close to the unremarkable moderate candidate have noticed a recent dip in his unwarranted confidence. “Honestly, we’re surprised that it took him so long,” said Alexander “Xan” ...

  • 20 December

    WashU Implements New 2-Factor Authentication System

    In a joint statement made on Sunday, WashU Information Technology Services and WUPD announced that students will now be required to use WashU 2FA (two-factor authentication) when accessing WUSTL websites and buildings. In addition to swiping their plastics—WashUID, not Amex—students must scan their Canada goose emblem against a biometric scanner ...

  • 20 December

    Excerpt: The Evening Murmurs of a WashU Emergency Blue Light

    Ever wondered what’s up with those wacky blue lights all over campus? Wonder no more: the WUnderground Recording Desk (WURD) has helpfully wiretapped your most private emergency communications to shed some light on the happenings at these brooding pillars.