WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
September, 2019
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28 September
Op-Ed by a Male Feminist
By Geoff Caulfield I am a male feminist. Think it’s funny? Go ahead, laugh. But while you’re laughing, just know that I am brave and I am strong. Strong enough to use two women as weights and bench press them. I am a male feminist and this is what I ...
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28 September
WUnderground’s Resident Philosophy Asshat Presents: The Loop Trolley Problem
For the purposes of this example, I have bracketed a distinction between positive and negative action because I’m not some sort of Kantian dipshit. You are the conductor of the Loop Trolley, and it’s happened again. A man has stumbled onto the tracks ahead of you, thrusting you into an ...
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28 September
Community Living Standards Erased From Common Room Whiteboard
8 AM. Wednesday. A crowd of freshmen stand in the Rutledge common room, staring at the expo residue on their whiteboard where the Community Living Standards had once been. Scared. Confused. Perhaps, I sense, almost excited? Would we be able to live together in peace and harmony without law, but ...
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28 September
We Killed the Easter Bunny, Here’s How
This fucker wasn’t easy.  When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. When life hands you fifty pounds of fireworks, 320 carrots and more chocolate than Augustus Gloop could handle, you do the only sensible thing and kill that hopping rabbit motherfucker. About all these supplies – let’s just say ...
