WashU to Require Security Guards for Registered Dorm Parties

Citing changes to social policy, the Office of Residential Life will require hired security for registered dorm parties, effective October 2018. Former campus policies had permitted students to host personal social events, provided their RAs didn’t give a shit. According to new policy, security aides will be responsible for checking student IDs, and ensuring all guests are residents of the same freshman floor.

For registered wet events, students 21+ will receive wristbands for beer or wine, provided hosts hire an approved distributor. “Eric on K4 gets the cases for our pong nights, so we told him to register as our beer guy,” said Maya Anteim, a Lien 2 resident.

RCDs praised the new move, calling it “responsible underage drinking in motion.” Some students, however, have voiced skepticism: “People are just going to ignore the list like always,” sighed Connor Englewood, a sophomore in Rutledge. Added D1 resident John Abrams, “I don’t like the idea of not registering these things, but that’s where we’re headed.”

Campus administrators remain optimistic. “I’m confident this new policy will ensure the safety of freshmen students as they squeeze 25 of their peers into their double room, take shots of fireball, and listen to Spotify playlists titled ‘LIT’, but now under supervision” declared Campus Life Chair Austin Sandoval-Sweeney.

Similar policies have found mixed success on Fraternity Row. Last year, members of Sigma Alpha Epsilon faced suspension after guests discovered security staff consisted solely of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson cutouts.

WashU administrators are confident this change will be reflected in the school’s admissions appeal, a claim already coming to fruition. “They don’t do this at Northwestern so I’m just gonna go there,” wrote one prospective student on Niche.com.