The First Year Center has just released its yearly report on the first years’ transition into the WashU community and has found that the class of 2025 is deeply confused by how often circumcision is discussed on campus. Unable to tour before applying last year, the new cohort of bears ...

A startling realization, as it has come to me through neither divine inspiration nor careful research, is the cyclical nature of many contemporary conversations, various articles, and even debates. These resources, while well intentioned and well-written, add little substance to the discourse at play. Favoring a winding, complex sentence structure ...

Our administrative sources are reporting that the class of 2026’s summer reading program will be Vatsyayana’s Kama Sutra. An ostensibly controversial choice, the decision aligns with WashU’s commitment to teach people things they will never get the opportunity to use. Many students expressed eagerness to learn more about sensuality, tragically ...

PSA: This article is not meant to take away from the ever-present issue of male circumcision, it serves only to bring light to the similar issue of coffee mug slogans excluding men. Feminism has gone too far, and nowhere is this trend more obvious than in the hallowed American institution ...

Virgo: Look out! Love is in the air. Better catch it, lest you live life loveless and alone. If you can’t catch it, duck.   Libra: Watch out for sharks. And cars. And the unstoppable drumbeat of each passing second. Better yet, just stay at home today.   Scorpio: Goat day! Memorize ...

“One inch closer to the ceiling, one mile closer to the Lord, and one light year closer to losing my virginity,” said sophomore Jack Simons, when asked to describe his new existence. After standing back-to-back with a known 6-footer yesterday in the Village stir-fry line, Simons realized that he, too, ...

In a bold new ad campaign, the Funyuns™ twitter account is pretending to be operated by a captured and coerced Brendan Fraser, the Hollywood star best known for his roles in the Mummy franchise. Coming in the wake of several other bizarre Twitter marketing campaigns from brands attempting to appeal ...

After 22 years of denying interviews to reporters, the special effects coordinator on the set of The Mummy finally agreed to give us an insight into the wonders of The Mummy universe—and why he quit during the shooting of the second movie.  “Brendan Fraser was a method actor, you see,” ...

Is there someone in your life who you desperately want to get rid of? Someone you wish would just disappear? Look no further: here are several girl-illa warfare tactics I’ve learned throughout my life that are sure to make that person never contact you again. Invite them to join your ...

They do not know I exist. They do not know I’ve been present during their zoom meetings. I cannot disclose exactly how I’ve been able to infiltrate their sect lest I be compromised. However, it may involve two paper cups, one placed near the computer of a satirist, the other ...