In an attempt to qualify for the third democratic debate, set to air on September 12th on ABC, ten struggling democratic candidates have combined forces by merging into one super-candidate, an amorphous blob reportedly weighing 1,500 pounds.  The super-candidate, which formerly inhabited the individual bodies of Kirsten Gillibrand, Tom Steyer, ...

Heartbreak has already befallen St. Louis’s newly-awarded Major League Soccer team before their first season has even begun. The team, which has yet to be named, has somehow already been relegated to Division III of the NCAA. The announcement has raised concerns and confusion, considering the MLS operates outside of ...

ST. LOUIS, MO—Washington University Student and proud Chaco wearer Harley Jensen might be the hero this crumbling planet needs.  “Harley works tirelessly to redeem our vice-ridden society,” says a source close to the subject. “From retweeting Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to posting snapshots of the Amazon’s burnt husk, she fights to bring ...

In an innovative marketing move, the Ad Council debuted a series of PSA’s last week using reverse psychology to fight teen smoking. The campaign, titled “Smoke You Pussy,” hopes to incite anti-authority reactions in the nation’s rebellious teens. Ads featured will contain images of teens portrayed as popular, attractive, and ...

Hostilities reached a tipping point on Sesame Street last Thursday when yet another forced eviction drew police presence to the neighborhood. Tenant and local barber Theodore PoodleDoodle refused to vacate his property upon arrival of foreclosure agents, enlisting help from neighbors to incite a riot. Witnesses describe a standoff between ...

Building off the success of their Football and Baseball Game Day tailgates, members of Student Union have decided to expand the Game Day program to other, more niche, campus events. Who knew all you needed was alcohol, free food, and the tacit endorsement of Greek Life to host a successful ...

I think we can agree that after a long day, nothing beats the calming, relaxing taste of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea®. However, over the years, I couldn’t help but notice that someone has gone underappreciated, undervalued: the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® bear. Given the chance, I would make him feel ...

The earliest known remains of WUnderground members were discovered in the 1920s by a team of French archeologists in north western Anatolia, buried in a paleolithic gravesite alongside a community of early modern humans. This gravesite is usually connected to the impressive nearby cave paintings portraying traveling bison. A handful ...

The WUnderground staff wants to pitch some of its ideas to Shark Tank. Here are our “best” concepts: Maternity Test Garlic Flavored Gum Braille Podcast Can-opener Flip-flop Almond Breast Pump A Kid You Pay to Fight Kids You Hate but are Too Young for You to Fight

Dear Reader, As all of WashU knows, at the end of this semester, we must all say goodbye to one of the most important figures on campus. Although he is often embroiled in controversy, the student body cannot help but feel a collective endearment towards him. As he prepares to ...