Michael Cohen Fucking Owned that Goy

He may be going to jail for bank fraud and bypassing campaign laws, but Trump’s ex-personal attorney should be locked up for arson. On February 27, Michael Cohen completely incinerated Representative Mark Meadows (R-N.C.). Rep. Meadows, an outspoken supporter of President Trump’s policies, took a swing at Cohen’s claim that ...

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WUnderground’s Official Guide to Spring Break 2019

Stuck in St. Louis because your parents wouldn’t pay for a week-long getaway to Cabo? No worries! Neither would ours! Here are some of our favorite last minute spring break plans: 1. Your Dad’s Yacht He told you that you can use it as long as you stay off pills, ...

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Goddammit: The WP Kids Already Set Up a Hammock on New Sculpture

Oh, for fuck’s sake. The overpass sculpture hasn’t even been up that long and the Wilderness Project kids are already hammocking off it. There’s three people with pineapple t-shirts sharing their WOOFing experiences while they swing on an art piece nowhere near Mudd Field. Wait – what’s that sound? Oh, ...

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Op-Ed: My Thoughts on The Matter

Some of y’all are about to be real mad at me, but it must be said. Look, regardless of your stance on the current state of affairs, we can all agree that things are starting to get out of hand. What happened to some good old nuance? Yes, some may ...

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Rob Wild: A Modest Proposal for South 40 Housing

In a speech given Thursday, Associate Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs Rob Wild announced a modest proposal regarding the future of housing on the South 40. “As the administrator overseeing housing, I’ve received many complaints recently about the new policy changing all 6-person sophomore dorms to 4-person dorms. And I ...

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Mr. Clean Uses Magic Eraser to Eliminate Traces of Former Partner

Mr. Clean sighed, stooping to reach the tiles of the Williams family kitchen. “It gets grout, too,” he muttered, scrubbing vigorously between the tiles. Only minutes before, the famed product spokesman had finished disposing of the remains of his former partner, Scott Williams, following a dispute Wednesday evening. Local authorities ...

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Op-Ed: Love at First Heist: Falling in Love with My Carjacker

The recent crime wave affecting the WashU community has undoubtedly left an impact. Whether it’s students living off-campus watching over their shoulders with renewed vigilance or WUPD officers working overtime to broadcast incident reports via email blasts, many of us have been affected in one way or another. However, for ...

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ICYMI: Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address

Citizens across the country watched nervously as President Trump addressed the nation, hoping that there would be some clarification regarding the recent government shutdown that withheld pay from hundreds of thousands of government workers. For those of you who fell asleep halfway through the world’s longest speech, here’s a few ...

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Fatal Trolley Accident Shakes Things Up For Housing Lottery

In the frosty depths of January, two Wash U freshmen were killed in a freak trolley accident. Austine Munster suffered spinal and cranial pulverization and Chad Brunswick was disemboweled when an innocent stunt involving a Bird Scooter and a beer funnel went tragically wrong on Delmar Boulevard. A month later, ...

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