As the polar vortex struck the midwest, students struggled to find the perfect outerwear to combat the subzero temps. Just when all hope seemed lost, one species stepped in to save the day: the Canada goose. “Yeah, I had to leave Karen and the kids early to go back north,” ...

Dear StudLife, You win. We’re not gonna lie, it’s been a good run. If you’d told us fifteen years ago that Student Life, the real student newspaper, would deliberately confuse inclusive content with lack of editorial discretion, we would have laughed. That’s our job! Really, we’ve published on just about ...

Citing years of research and reportorial studies, Student Life announced a medical breakthrough late Monday: the successful synthesis of cancer cells into a series of op-eds. The op-eds, which discuss resolving polarization by feeding polarization, marked a pivotal moment in the reduction of tumor cells to written text. “It took ...

This is Donkey Kong.  You may know him from such titles as Super Smash Brothers, Hotel Mario, and Donkey Kong: Barrel Blast.  However, you probably do not know him as “that monkey who only wears a necktie, and nothing else.”   Yes, you heard that right.  “DK” wears neither shoes, ...

Clayton, MO – On November 6th 2018, Missouri’s youngest voters stormed the polls with record-breaking numbers. Among young voters, you may have heard the claim, “The 2018 midterm election will be the most important election of our lifetime,” but why? Our investigative reporters went out into the community to get ...

      1. We’re nuts over this chic two-piece from Nu Swimwear! The bike-short bottoms flatter your thighs, while the top leaves plenty of skin exposed to the merciless, searing-hot sun that will beat down on the melted wreckage of our planet.             2. We ...

Earlier this week, it was reported that Rihanna had been offered the opportunity to headline this year’s Super Bowl halftime show but turned it down in support of Colin Kaepernick. We can now confirm reports that America’s favorite sellout, Adam Levine, has followed suit— not in solidarity of Kaepernick but ...

Pull up your Khakis, charge your Juul, and slip on that Patagonia vest, because you definitely don’t want to stand out and be yourself during this sausage fest! The ladies had a hellish four days of recruitment and now it’s your turn to partake in the honorable and essential two ...

Ah, the California Gold Rush. A chaotic time, fondly remembered by some and fervently denied by others. There was California; there was Gold; and, of course, there was Rush. The California Gold Rush encapsulates the American Dream of finding a metric shitton of gold; while naysayers will say things like ...

In a groundbreaking study published last week in Fake Science Monthly, America’s premier science and research journal, Washington University researchers discovered that the smell from the commonly used Miracle Grow fertilizer on average decreases pp size by 0.5 inches per year. “The fertilizer is highly effective,” said grounds crew member ...