Is Your New Roommate A Ghost?

Ah, autumn. The metaphorical teenage years of the first semester of your freshman year. By now, you’ve probably settled into a good routine: figured out how to study for that class, talked to that guy you like, maybe even learned your limits with alcohol (don’t worry you definitely haven’t!). But as the spookiest time of the year comes upon us, it’s important to figure out that one crucial question:

Is your freshman roommate actually the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925?

Here are some helpful ways to figure it out:

  1. Is your roommate roughly 4”7, always clothed in the same little girl’s dress, and wearing pigtails? Does she have a transatlantic accent and a perpetual blue glow around her? Is her body translucent? If so, she might be the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925. 
  2. When you are watching a movie and you offer her popcorn, do you watch her put the piece of popcorn in her mouth and then it immediately falls through her translucent body onto the ground? If so, she might be the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925. 
  1. Has she ever uttered the sentence, “Pa perished in the Great War, Ma from the Spanish influenza, and me, well the fire of ‘25 got me!” Or “Jiminy Crickets, I sure wish I hadn’t died in that fire!” (bonus points if these things were said while she stared wistfully at her reflection in a wishing well, or while gazing out dramatically over a balcony) If so, she might be the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925. 
  1. When your friends come over to your suite to pregame, are they for some reason unable to see your roommate–whose name is Lil Rebecca—even though you can clearly see that she is standing right there, shotgunning a Twea and muttering about the fire (Classic Lil Rebecca)? If so, she might be the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925. 
  1. Have you ever been hooking up with a guy when out of the corner of your eye you see Lil Rebecca walk into your room and yell “Leapin Lizards! You hussy!” At which point you yell, “Lil Rebecca, get out of here!”, causing your hookup to look behind him, see no one, and respond, “Damn, your dirty talk sure is weird.” Again, most likely thea ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925 (but also could just be a pervert). 

If you answered yes to one or more of the above, there’s a good chance your roommate is the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire in 1925 and is named Lil Rebecca. Happy fall!