Professional Wrestling Marred by Replacement Referees

The ongoing strike by International Wrestling Federation referees has forced the league to hire replacement officials, but some believe that the new officials are unprepared for the frantic pace of the sport.

Many wrestlers have already come forward to complain about the referees. “These scabs are terrible!” said former World Champion Enrique Calzone. “Just last week, my friend Tyron the Tornado was knocked out by the dastardly Jacques Soufflé, who hit Tyron with brass knuckles while the referee was distracted by [Soufflé’s girlfriend] Mandy, who was doing a sexy dance. I know how sexy Mandy can be, since she used to be my girl. But this can’t go on!”

“You hear me, Soufflé?” Calzone shouted. “I’m coming for you, Frenchy!”

Not all wrestlers have been so critical of the replacements, however. Grandpa Sam, a forty-year veteran of the IWF, feels that the officials are doing a fine job. “Back in my day,” Grandpa Sam crowed, “tacks and barbed wire were legal. These pampered whippersnappers wouldn’t have stood a chance against Vengeful Vinny or even his wife, VoluptuousVeronica!”

Negotiations between the normal referees and the owners have been at a standstill for months, with the referees demanding compensation for injuries caused by flying chairs. Still, an end to the strike may be in sight, as IWF Chairman Rick Striker is reportedly set to meet head referee Bobby “Countin’” Tucker in an arbitration cage match later this month.