Sniper Planning on “Taking Out” Girlfriend for Valentine’s Day

Recently returned from a tour of duty in Afghanistan, US Army Sniper Sgt. Eric Wexler has reportedly been dropping hints that he plans on “taking out” his longtime girlfriend Kim Harris on Valentine’s Day this year.

“Ever since we got back from Afghanistan, all he can talk about is how excited he is for the big day, and how it’s going to change everything for him,” said David Bignonia, a squad-mate of Wexler’s. “I’m really glad to hear it, because it seems like the two of them would almost never talk or email when he was away. I was sure they had a falling out, but I guess not.”

Wexler’s neighbors have also noticed changes in the 35-year-old, highly trained marksman’s behavior.

“I always see him talking on his cell-phone out by the garage,” said neighbor Craig Davis. “He must have a big surprise for Kim he doesn’t want her to know about.”

“Oh yeah, I’m going to take her out alright,” said Wexler, glancing around the room to take sure his girlfriend wasn’t in ear-shot. “We’re going to this real fancy sushi restaurant downtown that she just loves! I made it seem like they were all booked up, but then I snuck outside and made a reservation when she wasn’t listening. She’s going to flip!”

When asked if his use of the phrase “take her out” could create confusion given his unique profession, Wexler had this to say:

“What the fuck, you mean like kill her? No man, she’s my girlfriend, who even thinks of shit like that?”