WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
With another winter season upon us, Canada geese are flocking to campus once again. In order to escape the harsh Canadian winter, they have migrated to Missouri and can now be found around campus establishing breeding colonies and adjusting to life in this human-altered area.
Last Tuesday, these new Wash U residents attacked Sarah and Rachel from Scarsdale, as they crossed Mudd Field to the Bauer Starbucks. When we interviewed our senior biology writer Ted Harris, he speculated that the attack was sparked by the fact that nesting Canada geese can be aggressive when concentrated in large numbers. However, after thinking about it further, Harris concluded that the geese probably just found people like Sarah and Rachel as annoying as everyone else does.
After the attack, Sarah told Wunderground that the confrontation was a long time coming. According to Sarah, “yeah, like, me and a goose had a face off just this morning. When I saw one outside of Bauer, I kinda, like, freaked out a little. There was no way that feathered freak was going to steal my table!”
WUPD, excited to finally have some action on campus, sent out a warning Tuesday night, urging students not to feed the geese. “It is important for all members of the Washington University community to adopt a no feeding ordinance, so that the geese don’t concentrate on campus or grow more aggressive toward people because food is expected. Beware: They will chase you, they will nip you, and they will cause a ruckus.”
Tensions have risen between the Canada geese and other members of the Washington University community as well, with the geese specifically targeting community members wearing Canada Goose Inc. brand parkas, which they feel are misrepresenting them and what they stand for. At press time, the geese seem to have made a collective decision to move back to Canada, in the wake of the 2016 presidential results.