Op-Ed by a Male Feminist

By Geoff Caulfield

I am a male feminist. Think it’s funny? Go ahead, laugh. But while you’re laughing, just know that I am brave and I am strong. Strong enough to use two women as weights and bench press them. I am a male feminist and this is what I stand for:

“I demand equal pay” is what I would say if women worked the hard, boy jobs, like engineer or racecar driver.

I believe a true woman isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, whether that be while she’s finger painting or rolling the meatballs for husband’s dinner.

Am I misogynistic? No. I’m Mrs. Sogynistic.

Am I sex positive? Why don’t you ask my prostitutes.

How do I use my male privilege to be an ally to marginalized identities? Hey—would you ask a woman that question?

I believe women. And like a true feminist that believes in the equality of the sexes, I equally believe men. That’s why I choose to remain impartial to the #MeToo movement.

I believe in equal opportunities for men and women…unless men called dibs on the opportunities, in which case the men deserve the opportunities. You can bet your bottom 79-cents-to-a-dollar that I believe in dibs. It’s the one thing I respect more than women.

Women shouldn’t adhere to roles that are expected or considered “normal.” Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. The woman who does my laundry once told me that.

Ladies: smile. This is what feminism is.
I am brave. I am strong.
I am a Male Feminist.