WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Since their installation in the Bear’s Den, much invective has been hurled at the humble salad robots, none of it merited. The Salad Robot is objectively the best option for salad-serving. First, it provides options that human workers cannot. Try finding a minimum-wage worker willing to sing me a little ditty when they have finished making my salad, like Sally does.
Second, protestations against the “quality argument” for Sally mostly come from those without the life experiences to back up their claims. As is all-too-common among leftist youth, freshmen who say that there must be a better salad option are simply revealing their ignorance of the socialist deprivation that was the Paws & Go salad bar.
Lastly, despite a short-term loss of income, workers whose previous jobs will now be done by Sally and her kin will be compensated for their role in moving America’s economy into the age of mechanization after this economic shift leads to the election of Andrew Yang in 2036 and his subsequent payment of Freedom Dividends to American families.
