WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
An investigation conducted by WashUâs Premier journalists has exposed where your gross food-particle-y spit goes post COVID test (we know you donât actually abstain from unholy indulgences/extravagances like food and water for 30 minutes before the test, you ignorant fools). We never actually see where the vials of spit go ...
April, 2021
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29 April
Junior Relieved After Discovering Sheâs Not Into Calling Guys âDaddyâ
Junior Audrey Kiser let out a sigh of relief in the early hours of Saturday morning after discovering that she was left unaroused by calling her sexual partner âdaddy.â âThere are a lot of things that my sexual preferences reveal about me that are un-ideal,â said Kiser, âbut it was ...
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29 April
Harvard Medical School Application Question #4
Supplement Question #4: How has an undergraduate volunteer, extracurricular, or research experience better prepared you for medical school? During the Covid-19 crisis, I wondered, like many other people, what I could do to help bring an end to this pandemic. While some of my peers signed up for the ...
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29 April
Looking for a Fast Track to Salvation? Look No Further
Indulgences remit sins. Right? WRONG. Ever wondered why you spend hours doing âgood worksâ every day but it doesnât seem to get you anywhere? Thatâs because it never has, and I know thatâs hard to believe, but itâs true. If youâve been trying to get into heaven, you know just ...