WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
It’s an awkward conversation nobody wants to have…. no, not the sex talk. Not how much you wish your grandpa’s girlfriend would clean her dishes. Not meekly asking Chancellor Martin to divest from fossil fuels. You must talk to your friends about how you plan to stay in touch post-graduation. ...
April, 2021
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29 April
Op-Ed: I Have Finally Accepted Life in a Pancake
I’m confused. Everyone keeps saying we are in a pancake and I guess I am starting to see it or something…? I first heard about this theory on Twitter. I just assumed it was part of a movement of modern American post-realist thinkers fostering an intellectual discussion about the state ...
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29 April
On the Ubiquity of Foucault’s Panopticon
(in relation to Plato’s allegory of the Cave and Atwood’s internalized Male Gaze) Ha! Gotchu, you fuckin’ nerd. You thought I was gonna comment on how Foucault’s panoptic systems extend beyond the carceral archipelago and into our own minds, affecting our perceptions of reality as described by Plato’s cave ...
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29 April
A Summary of Cow Vid ‘19
In ANTHRO 360: “Animals, Furries, and Guillermo del Toro”, we watched a very thought-provoking YouTube video about a group of cattle ranchers in Wakawuhwoh County, Wisconsin. After an outbreak of a fairly deadly cow disease, farmers had to work hard to make sure their cowmunities rarely intermingled. In Wakawuhwoh, farmers ...
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29 April
BREAKING: WashU Uses YOUR COVID Spit to Create Genetically Modified Clones
An investigation conducted by WashU’s Premier journalists has exposed where your gross food-particle-y spit goes post COVID test (we know you don’t actually abstain from unholy indulgences/extravagances like food and water for 30 minutes before the test, you ignorant fools). We never actually see where the vials of spit go ...