WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Just in time for his first Christmas as Chancellor, Andrew Martin announced last week his new gift to the WashU community: a daring vision for a 1:3 model of the St. Louis Arch, which will begin construction on campus this spring. When asked about the motivation behind the decision, Chancellor ...
December, 2019
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20 December
Confederate Flag Really Tied Tinder Profile Together
Garth Fletcher was taking dating apps by storm; he was the most-swiped man his town had ever seen. But after changing his profile, nothing was the same. WUnderground spoke with local women about the man who had once driven them crazy. Bailey Banks, on Garthās flagless profile: Iāve seen him ...
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20 December
Habif Health Center to Replace Therapy with Prescribed Mood Rings
Citing a shortage of trained psychologists and psychiatrists, Student Health Services has announced they will now prescribe Mood Rings for students in place of therapy. This revolutionary new technology should reduce the need for psychological care, according to SHS.Ā Ā āI think this new method will simplify a lot of the ...
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20 December
John Delaney Starting to Think He Might Not Win This Thing
It is now being reported that presidential hopeful John Delaney has started to think that he just might not win this thing. Sources close to the unremarkable moderate candidate have noticed a recent dip in his unwarranted confidence. āHonestly, weāre surprised that it took him so long,ā said Alexander āXanā ...
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20 December
WashU Implements New 2-Factor Authentication System
In a joint statement made on Sunday, WashU Information Technology Services and WUPD announced that students will now be required to use WashU 2FA (two-factor authentication) when accessing WUSTL websites and buildings. In addition to swiping their plasticsāWashUID, not Amexāstudents must scan their Canada goose emblem against a biometric scanner ...