WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
This fucker wasnāt easy.Ā Ā When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.Ā When life hands you fifty pounds of fireworks, 320 carrots and more chocolate than Augustus Gloop could handle, you do the only sensible thing and kill that hopping rabbit motherfucker.Ā About all these supplies – letās just say ...
September, 2019
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28 September
Struggling Democratic Candidates Merge into One Megazord Candidate, Still Polling at <1%
In an attempt to qualify for the third democratic debate, set to air on September 12th on ABC, ten struggling democratic candidates have combined forces by merging into one super-candidate, an amorphous blob reportedly weighing 1,500 pounds.Ā The super-candidate, which formerly inhabited the individual bodies of Kirsten Gillibrand, Tom Steyer, ...
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28 September
St. Louis MLS Team Somehow Relegated to DIII
Heartbreak has already befallen St. Louisās newly-awarded Major League Soccer team before their first season has even begun. The team, which has yet to be named, has somehow already been relegated to Division III of the NCAA. The announcement has raised concerns and confusion, considering the MLS operates outside of ...
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28 September
Inspiring: This Social Justice Warrior Could Save Us All
ST. LOUIS, MOāWashington University Student and proud Chaco wearer Harley Jensen might be the hero this crumbling planet needs.Ā āHarley works tirelessly to redeem our vice-ridden society,ā says a source close to the subject. āFrom retweeting Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to posting snapshots of the Amazonās burnt husk, she fights to bring ...
June, 2019
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6 June
Ad Council Debuts Reverse Psychology Anti-Smoking Campaign
In an innovative marketing move, the Ad Council debuted a series of PSAās last week using reverse psychology to fight teen smoking. The campaign, titled āSmoke You Pussy,ā hopes to incite anti-authority reactions in the nationās rebellious teens. Ads featured will contain images of teens portrayed as popular, attractive, and ...