WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
A coal mine in eastern Wyoming has found a holiday- themed solution to get out of work once and for all. On December 6th, mine worker Gary Sherwood realized that by acting up on the job he would be obliging Santa Claus to bring him coal for the holidays. āAccording ...
December, 2017
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16 December
Finals Stress Mitigated by Impending North Korean Nuclear Threat
With finals around the corner, itās natural for college students to feel a great deal of stress around this time of year. In light of recent news and the realization that finals will be meaningless due to imminent nuclear war, upcoming exams and papers havenāt managed to have the same ...
November, 2017
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23 November
God Suspended Due to Hazing Incident
God has been temporarily suspended from the known universe after several reports of a violent hazing incident this past weekend. Under the euphemistic guise of a āfaith-building exercise,ā God is alleged to have commanded Abraham, a pledge, to climb a mountain and murder his son, Isaac. Rumors of Godās hazing ...
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23 November
Senior “Not Like Those Other Guys”
Sources close to the subject report that Wash U senior Jasper Simmons is nothing like all those other assholes. āJasper doesnāt care about typical guy stuff like fantasy football and grilling things,ā points out sophomore Lena Smith. āHe would much rather teach you about Sufjan Stevens and the merits of ...