WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
In a surprising statement, the Washington University Director of Technology announced that Fall Break defied all typical trends with a massive spike in Internet usage. The statement theorized that since the four-day weekend allowed many students to leave St. Louis, many roommates were freed of the restrictions of a shared ...
November, 2017
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3 November
Boy Scouts Expanding Into New, Weirdly Niche Groups
The Boy Scouts of America recently announced their decision to accept girls, raising concerns over the future of partner organization Girl Scouts of America. “In response to changing definitions of gender identities, we think it would be best to focus on the interests of our creative, socially lethargic young scouts,” ...
August, 2017
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20 August
White House Expels Steve Bannon by Chanting Name Three Times
According to sources, the spirit of chief strategist Steven Bannon was forcibly expelled from the White House on Friday after staffers recited an incantation purging the West Wing of Mr. Bannonās ghost. āThere was just this horrible screeching,ā remarked one advisor witness to Mr. Bannonās expulsion. Bannon, a seventh century ...
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17 August
Anti-Bullying Groups Fear Unprecedented Spike in Wedgies, “Sick Burns” as Thousands Don Glasses to View Eclipse
As thousands of Americans scramble to get their hands on a pair of the coveted eclipse glasses recommended by scientists for safe viewing of the rare solar event, anti-bullying groups across the country are wringing their hands over the likely spike in wedgies, swirlies, and verbal zingers as the nationās ...
July, 2017
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29 July
Scaramucci Confident Wife is Actually Reince Preibus
Extended family members of Anthony Scaramucci cited a growing concern on Friday over the New York businessman’s latest obsession: claiming that spouse, Deidre Scaramucci, is in fact his political rival Reince Preibus. “You would think heād cut the bullshit after I got him canned but no! Now he’s in my ...