Breaking News

January, 2016

  • 28 January

    69, What the Fuck is This Shit?

  • 28 January

    Most Popular Baby Name of 2015 Officially “Who Did This 😂🙌💯”

    The U.S. Department of Etymology released its list of most popular baby names of 2015, with several surprise entries making the rankings. According to the report, the most popular baby name of last year was “Who Did This 😂🙌💯,” which narrowly beat out “DickButt_420” and “Emily” for the top spot. ...

  • 28 January

    SHS Doctor’s Medical Degree found to be false positive

    According to sources within the Habif Health & Wellness Center, an SHS doctor’s medical degree was recently found to have been a false-positive. Apparently, Dr. Sonia Wellston’s doctorate was not in medicine, and her being hired was due to an administrator misreading of her resume due to extreme fatigue, nausea, ...

  • 28 January

    All Sorority Girl Jury “Not Judging” Arsonist, Just Think He’s a Good Fit for Prison

    The month-long trial of suspected arsonist Gregory Mendez reached its conclusion when a jury of 12 sorority girls found him “not necessarily guilty, but definitely someone [they] couldn’t see doing well in the outside world.” Mendez was convicted of burning down his wife’s house after a messy divorce, a motivation ...

  • 28 January

    Markets Tumble as Gak Prices Plummet to 13-Year Low

    Gak prices fell below $2.00 per gallon across most of the country last weekend, sending consumers rushing to load up on the oozy, green substance. The price drop comes as slime futures trade below $30 a barrel for the first time in more than a decade, driven down by an ...