WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Point: My Internship Last Summer Was a Major Step in My Professional Development by Grant Kaufman, Senior, tool
My corporate internship last summer was definitely a major step in my professional development. From day one I was involved in multiple high value projects—it’s clear that everyone at the company really valued my opinion. Sure, every now and then I had to make the occasional cup of coffee for one of my thirty-seven superiors, but I spent most of the time tackling complex, important problems, and quality of my work definitely made me standout from the other interns.
I managed to do a lot of networking and established a great relationship with my boss, so I’m sure he’ll put in a fantastic word on my behalf when I apply for a full time position next year. Sure, all the time I spent networking and sitting in a cubicle took a toll on my social life, but it’s ok because after I receive a long term offer and start working 90 hours per week I won’t have time for petty indulgences like friends anyway.
Counterpoint: Well, that Intern was Useless by Stan Miller, Boss
Which intern are we talking about again? Grant? Was that the anal-retentive Asian kid or the brown-nosing Jew? Oh, Kaufman. That name does ring a bell. He was nothing special—I wouldn’t go out of my way to recommend him for a full time position or anything like that. For Christ’s sake he couldn’t even make a decent cup of coffee! Two sugars and a splash of skim milk … how hard can it be? To be honest, sometimes I wonder why we even hire interns. The little shits don’t do anything. Grant never had much
work, so he spent most of his time sitting around admiring his ties and browsing reddit. Then you’d give him some menial task like making copies, and when you thanked him for it he’d get this pompous grin and look so excited that I bet he busted a nut right on the spot. That kid would definitely be a lot better off if he took the five zillion business cards he collected last summer out of his ass and started getting in touch with reality.
