WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
This past Wednesday, Mrs. Clinton delivered remarks at local credit unions about the benefits of “saving for retirement.” Coming off a stunning election shock, Hillary Clinton has failed to line up the coveted speaker positions she had from investment banks such as Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan Chase she enjoyed before her candidacy. Her speaker spots have declined in prestige, and so have the fees paid out to Mrs. Clinton. Paid nearly a quarter million dollars to deliver remarks to Goldman Sachs in 2014, documents obtained from the Clinton Foundation show that Mrs. Clinton received $500 and $350 from First Community Credit Union and Smith Family Bank, respectively. Smith Family Bank also threw in a $15 Dunkin’ Donuts gift card for good measure.
While Mrs. Clinton focused mostly on investment strategies, she did address her Presidential defeat in brief. “These past few days have been some of the most difficult in my life but I am glad to finally be back at work,” Clinton stated in her speech. “I want to thank Director Comey for helping me get my regular job back. I am perfectly happy with President elect Donald Trump and his fair electoral college win. He is extremely qualified, it just took some extreme vetting to realize.”
Jeffrey Hammond, president of First Community Credit was pleased with Mrs. Clinton’s speech, and mentioned he would seek future speeches from her and would be happy to serve as a reference. “We were absolutely delighted to host Mrs. Clinton this week,” said Jeffrey Hammond, president of First Community. “I think our community members learned a lot from her speech, especially the messages on ‘long-term stock investing trumps speculative trading’’ and ‘I’m with HER (historical equity returns)’.”
As of press time, Hammond is awaiting confirmation from Clinton that she received his emailed invoice. “I hope I didn’t send it to the wrong address!!”
