WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Everyone at WashU is pre-med – it’s common knowledge! However, not everyone realizes the huge commitment they’re making when they decide to follow the pre-med track. We at WUnderground would like to help inform potential pre-meds, because we’re super nice people. Here are the things you need in order to become pre-med:
– Course Requirements: one year of timey-wimey science-y gobbledygook, one year of mumbo-jumbo hocus-pocus hogwash, and one year of chemistry.
– To best prepare for future residencies, medical schools like to see that you’re comfortable around reanimated corpses.
– All sexual encounters must come in the form of ‘playing doctor.’
– Be able to remove someone’s kidney before the roofie wears off.
– Know what a rib is.
– Have nothing else going on in your life for the next 12-20 years.
– Be able to sell a kidney on the black market above the going rate.
– While not required, it is recommended that you have a close family member with a terminal illness to provide a constant source of inspiration.
– Be able to choke a motherfucker out if they try to rip you off for that kidney.
– Lastly, just remember that no one ever became a successful pre-med without talking about it 24/7