WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Contact: 316-420-6969
Seeking amateur bagpipe musician for Beta fish’s funeral wake (my mom was right, I can never be entrusted with another living thing).
Qualifications
- Must have at least 1 year of experience
- Actually, fuck it, I’ll take anything I can get at this point
- My living room is starting to smell bad and I need to do this fast
- Please God, anyone
- Must be willing to take requests such as Sarah McGlaughlin’s “In the Arms of the An- gels” or Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”
- Dammit, that was his favorite song
- I’m a Murderer
- How do I live with myself
Please get back to me shortly, though I can’t promise I’ll get back to you as soon as I can’t see what I’m writing anymore through my tears. Tell me honestly, do you think he suffered at the end or went quickly? Contact number listed above, serious inquiries only.
