Sesame Street Foreclosures Escalate Neighborhood Tensions

Hostilities reached a tipping point on Sesame Street last Thursday when yet another forced eviction drew police presence to the neighborhood. Tenant and local barber Theodore PoodleDoodle refused to vacate his property upon arrival of foreclosure agents, enlisting help from neighbors to incite a riot.

Witnesses describe a standoff between PoodleDoodle and members of city law enforcement, before police officers acquired a battering ram to access the property by force. Upon entering the residence, PoodleDoodle and his associates sought to “tickle” the officials, whereupon they was immediately detained and removed from the premises.

The NYC district, made famous by a popular reality show program, is home to a majority Muppet demographic. Residents believe developers are targeting Muppet housing as largely white, affluent buyers continue to voice interest in the “quaint” locale. “A two story brownstone next to a bookstore called ‘Bomblesnarf’s’? It’s Burlington charm in the heart of New York,” wrote one prospective tenant.

Frequent hikes in rent prices, paired with increasingly desperate living conditions, have turned the once-thriving community into tenement housing. Census officials estimate three hundred Muppets, ranging in size from a man-sized bird to several mice in a trenchcoat, to be sharing a single one bedroom apartment. “We’re looking at a potential repeat of Triangle Shirtwaist Factory here. If this place goes up, not everyone’s getting out” remarked one official.