WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Can you believe it’s only been a little over a year since YikYak I mean Gaggl I mean Sidechat took WashU by storm? For just over 3 grueling semesters, our esteemed scholar champions have been able to project their stream of consciousness both completely unprompted, and, better yet, completely anonymously through the medium of Fizz Sidechat. From posting the 33rd petty complaint about their Top-25 school today, to astute takes such as “W Weather”, Sidechat perfectly exemplifies the inner workings of our academically lethal minds.
However, my friends, times are dark. Long gone is the pure-minded, New Year’s resolution spurred month of January. February, the month of uncontrollable lust and unchecked indulgence is upon us, and we must be ready to fight back. Student Life is set to release their “Sex Issue”, which I believe is a major issue in itself; one which needs to be addressed posthaste! But who can save us from the unstoppable tide of lust which rumbles ever closer with every passing minute? Well, look no further than WashU’s most beloved Sidechat users to get the job done.
In collaboration with the WashU Department of Mental Gymnastics, Sidechat’s top 15 users are set to pioneer the university’s very first Celibacy Awareness Club. The club’s objective is simple. As repeated for 4 whole pages in their Club Constitution, “Celebrate Celibacy!”
The exec board formed of Sidechat’s top 15 users, who have henceforth dubbed themselves the “Continence Council”, are slated to begin their publicity campaign after that one calc midterm everyone is freaking out about. Look out for the Celibacy Awareness Club tabling at the DUC, competing with those random communists for who gets to invade the activities fair, and attending church every single sunday!
