WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
And you’re enjoying it! This is funny, right? You appreciate our clever jokes and quirky social commentary. Our scathing and finely honed humor just hits a bit differently than that elementary bullshit your suitemates enjoy. It’s elegant and polished, like a fine red wine. And you definitely drink red wine. Wafting in the aroma of your Frantzia and listening to Sufjan Stevens on vinyl, you contemplate the complexity and poignancy of that last WUnderground article you read. You’re an eccentric sophisticate with a superior taste in humor. Must be nice.
After all, you’ve always been a fan of The Onion, well maybe not always, but at least ever since your more intellectual friend showed it to you. You often find yourself scrolling through Clickhole’s Instagram page, chuckling to yourself and saying, “that’s so true” after every headline, because it was indeed, so true. And finally, you discovered WUnderground, muttering, “Oh my gosh, it’s just like Clickhole,” and you were right, as you often are about these things, because you’re the smartest person on the fucking planet.
You must be so proud of yourself, understanding every joke we make. Holy cow, you are brilliant. Last month’s “Nah bro, I’m good” piece and the article about the bee-hating professor, you totally got that shit, and you would never, and I mean never, in a thousand moons, say “Nah bro, I’m good.” That’s so below you. You’re not chicken tendies and sweats; you’re caviar and slacks, dammit! You’re a comedic connoisseur with a painstakingly cultivated taste in humor. This toooootally isn’t a façade and you definitely won’t laugh at a Barstool video later. In fact, you even have seen a standup comedy special on Netflix. Well, half of one. Still, you get humor.
Most importantly, you should feel special. After all, you get us. You see things in a deeper way and find value in our thoughtfully crafted humor. And by you, I mean every single individual reading this article. Everyone is special, in the same damn way. Regrettably, I do not have a ribbon to award you for your excellence, but nevertheless, great job! Keep it up, you!
