WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Heartbreak has already befallen St. Louis’s newly-awarded Major League Soccer team before their first season has even begun. The team, which has yet to be named, has somehow already been relegated to Division III of the NCAA. The announcement has raised concerns and confusion, considering the MLS operates outside of the collegiate sports system.
“This is a bit of a rocky start us,” admitted Enterprise owner Carolyn Kindle Betz, who helped broker the deal. “We were especially taken aback because the MLS doesn’t use a system of promotion and relegation, but I guess we have a lot to learn about the beautiful game.”
Despite the daunting news, the team’s social media output has shown nothing but optimism, encouraging new fans to attend a “tailgate,” although it is unclear what this entails. The young team has even begun a merch rollout, selling branded gun holsters, actual participation trophies, and “Let’s Go Blues!” shirts. St. Louis will play their debut home game against Trinity College at historic Tower Grove Park, with a capacity of up to 850 fans.
MLS President Don Gaber confided in WUnderground Staff that they were already in talks with the franchise to relocate to Los Angeles.
