Student who pays $60,000 for tuition excited by free lunch

Chowing down on a piece of Domino’s pizza that he had snuck from a free lunch spread in Bauer Hall, WashU senior Walter Bergstrom reported feeling thrilled by the sudden windfall. Bergstrom, who pays full tuition at one of the most expensive universities in the world, admitted that he probably could have grabbed a cookie as well, but felt almost “too guilty” at his good fortune and decided not to push his luck.

“It’s always a good feeling to get a free lunch, even if it sometimes feels like I’m stealing,” said Bergstrom, whose annual education expenditure is larger than the median combined household income in the US. “It’s sort of the same thing with SPB’s Happy Hour. Like, they just give this stuff away for free! Free!”

Bergstrom, who will more than likely be forced to default on his student loans within ten years, expressed amazement that Wash U can continue to make a profit in light of all the amenities they provide to students, citing examples such as the Tempur-Pedic mattresses provided to all students (and which retail for less than $1000) and the frequently refreshed landscaping all around campus.

At press time, Bergstrom was settling in for a third hour at his work-study job.