WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Wednesday
Tonight’s move: Theta Omega presents Cultural Appropriation and Patriarchal Domination
Break out your burqas and your daddy issues! Theta O is taking all you sluts down a trail of beers at their next open party! So bring your amigas and let’s get this fiesta pumpin’, unless you’re too much of a little pussy bitch.
Countermove: Film screening: The Move, The Movie
Thursday
Tonight’s move: Drinking games with your floormates
Sarah has cards, but she’s missing the ace of clubs and all of the sixes, so that’s probably not going to work. You could play Settlers of Catan but both Eric and Kevin won’t play unless they can be blue. No one can remember how to play that game with the counting, so you’ll settle on Never Have I Ever. Again.
Countermove: I dunno, I think Jeremy said there’s something happening on Lien 2?
Friday
Tonight’s move: Your TA’s 21st birthday at Howl at the Moon
Hey guys! I won a happy hour at Howl at the Moon, so come on down this Friday night and ~*CeLeBrAtE* wItH mE******~! Free admission before midnight if you can correctly pronounce my name at the door. $3.25 Domestic drafts all night, $3.25 Buckets of that blue ice crap. I know there’s a Pyramid Productions thing tonight but please please come!
Countermove: Standing on Mudd Field with a grappling hook, smiling at strangers
Saturday
Tonight’s move: Experiencing crippling social anxiety five minutes before you’re supposed to meet friends, faking sick to get out of your plans, pounding the rest of your roommate’s vodka, calling your ex just to hear her outgoing voicemail message, throwing your textbooks out the window, spending three hours looking up your advisor’s home address, and falling asleep with your pants off thirty minutes into Fifty First Dates on Netflix
Everybody’s doing it!
Countermove: It’s not an intervention man, we’re just a little bit worried about you.
