WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
Sorority Rush is right around the corner, so you need to follow these essential tips if you want to get a bid!
1. Start prepping for when you accept your bid — get that liver to work! An essential part of the new member process includes forced drinking, so make sure to get a good 30 minutes of healthy self-hazing in every day!
2. Finding a sorority you love is priority number one, but rush is also an important time to learn which sororities you hate! Thoroughly analyze their weaknesses and memorize their punchable little faces!
3. Show your common interests! Hooking up with sisters’ boyfriends shows that you are into the same things!
4. Inform sisters that your home friend’s camp friend’s boyfriend’s 54-year old aunt is an alum of the chapter. They might know her!
5. Forget small talk! Skip ahead to big talk. Make sure you touch upon religion, gun control, abortion and police brutality before your 30 minutes are over!
6. Remember, girls don’t poop, so be sure to get it all out of your system before each day of rush activities!
7. Trust the process! A bunch of girls who you’ve just met are going to pretty much decide your friend group for the next four years, what’s the worst that could happen?
8. Be sure to bring a young virgin to sacrifice at the altar of the great and powerful Pan-Hellenic Council!
9. Nobody wants to be the girl that gets the least candy during “Big-Little Week”! Be sure to ask potential “Bigs” about their financial situation right off the bat!
10. Sororities love a good competition! Make sure to let everyone know how you’d contribute at Kappa Karaoke, DG Anchorsplash, or Gamma Phi Beta’s first annual Curb-Stomp a Homeless Person Contest!
11. You should know each chapter’s social media like the back of your hand. If you haven’t memorized the song on Alpha Phi’s Tumblr, you’re already behind!
12. Don’t forget three letters of recommendation, your resume, a copy of your unofficial transcript, and a headshot!
13. If you’re feeling sleep deprived, make sure to complain about it to the sisters you speak with. It is easy to forge a bond with someone at their lowest point!
14. Just remember: be yourself and have fun! If it doesn’t work out you can always transfer!
